By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
