So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
