Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
