she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
