So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize