well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
