I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
