i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
