With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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