This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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