her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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