I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
