dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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