I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
