just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
