He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
