i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
