You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
