The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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