i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
