I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
