It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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