his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
