:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
