So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
