I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I yelled at your uterus for you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
