Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
