Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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