I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize