next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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