Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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