ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
