HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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