When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize