You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
