My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
