I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
