How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
