Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize