i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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