Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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