I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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