You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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