Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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