phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize