she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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