do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
