I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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