i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
