Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Damn victory sex feels great
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
