420 ftw
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
