Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
