The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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