just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
