I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize