So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize