You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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