I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
id be glad to
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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