Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
