Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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