You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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