I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
