...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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