Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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