I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
