Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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