So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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