We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
did i walk over a car last night?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize