Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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