if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
