apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
