I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
