playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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