I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
