i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We left an ass print on the piano.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
