But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
