taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
