The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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