I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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