she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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