if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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