Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
