I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
