trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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