There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
