Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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