Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
