She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
