She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
