its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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