i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
