Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
