That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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