this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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