can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
