So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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