it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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