there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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